We all have the laundry list of items that we want in a potential mate. If we don’t check everything off of our list, then bae gotta go. If they somehow slip past the checklist and we notice subtle things then our red flag pops up and we’re out the door! Sis, have you ever sat back and evaluated yourself? What can you add to the relationship? What are your values and how do they align with your potential mate’s values?

Values: a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgement of what is important in life.

Synonyms: principles, moral principles, ethics, rules of conduct

Relationships fail because people fail to evaluate what’s really important in their lives. Values are shaped by our experiences in life, family, friends, and society. Your values should be the very thing that motivates you to fulfill your purpose on this earth. It is your life’s guide/standard of living and behavior choices. My current top 5 values are: family, inner peace, independence, strength, and faith. These values are my foundation and my decisions are based on these values. For instance, if I am approached with a job opportunity that will take away time from my family, then I will turn it down. These values do not waiver based on circumstances that I am faced with. Inner peace is everything to me. I dislike chaos, drama, gossip, arguing, and nagging. Some people get a thrill out of nagging and complaining. I refuse to involve myself with it.

How to Add Value:

In order to add value to a relationship, you first have to know what is most important to you. This will lead to your values that will dictate your standards of life. When you start to carry out these values, it will become second nature for you. Once this happens, THEN you can create your non-negotiable list. If your list before stated that your potential mate must make 6 figures and pay your bills but your bills are past due because you make minimal and overspend, reevaluate yourself. Clearly, money and/or stability currently isn’t one of your values. How would you expect your mate to uphold this “standard” if you can’t even uphold it yourself? Your values imply what is currently important to you and it can change throughout life. It is not something that you would like to have but something you NEED in your life.

Take time to self-reflect, write down what is important to you, how it shapes your purpose on this earth, and then write your list of non-negotiable. When your life mirrors your values, you can then add value to others.

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