Ex-Chronicles: Let the Past Stay in the Past

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Have you ever gotten on the road to head somewhere and 10 minutes into your drive, you hit traffic and say to yourself, “I should have taken the other way instead”? Have you noticed that we think like that way more than we should? You ever sit back and think to yourself that you should have never given John or Ashley the time of day? Or wish you left this person when they showed you their true colors the first time?

In life, we harp on things that we should have, could have, or would have done differently, had we known the outcome. If only life were that easy right? Well, STOP thinking like that and wishing that you did things differently. It was all a learning lesson. Now you know what to look for before you get into purposeless and unequally yoked relationships.

With my last relationship, I use to tell myself we should have never made it past a year. In fact, all the red flags were there 3 months into us dating. However, I was 16, young, and blind to the truth! I no longer dwell on it, I took it as a learning lesson and kept it moving.

Social Media

We haven’t spoken in three years, why do I know ALL of your business by just a click of a button? STOP USING SOCIAL MEDIA TO CRY ABOUT HOW HURT YOU ARE! I shouldn’t know that John cheated on you with your best friend and now you’re super hurt because you lost your man and your friend. Guess what? Your best friend was never a friend and John is no good! I should not know your business every time you break up with your “man”! You are seeking the wrong attention and feeling the need to be validated by others’ comments and “likes”. They shouldn’t be liking a post about you being hurt in the first place. Instead, sit before the Lord and cry out to Him. Talk to Him about how hurt you are and how you need healing. Grab a pen and paper and just journal to Him. If you need to, delete ALL of your social media apps until you are healed.

Learn From Your Past

So what did Ray or Jessica do that hurt you so bad? What standards did you set for yourself beforehand? What standards did your boyfriend/girlfriend set for themselves? What standards did you all set for your relationship prior to dating? Hmm, you didn’t really set many standards huh?

Is it because you didn’t want to run them off so soon and you thought you could change the stuff you didn’t like about them? Have those “difficult” conversations with them UPFRONT before you all start dating! Ask them what they believe in, define their definition of cheating, ask about their family history, where they work, and what goals they are currently working on to better themselves. Once you get those answers, WAIT and see if their behaviors and actions prove to be true. Stop rushing into stuff, settling, and ending up hurt. Know what you are worth and what you deserve! You don’t deserve to be mistreated, used, or abused.

Don’t want to have sex before marriage? Tell them UPFRONT. Watch how many people run like flies and enjoy every bit of it! Appreciate the fact that you didn’t have to sit and waste your time with someone who only wanted sex from you. For a while, I would never talk about my love for Jesus upfront. I would just wait and see if they go to church on Sundays. First of all, going to church means NOTHING. I was once a church goer, but I had a lukewarm relationship with Christ. If the person you are interested in can’t sit and talk about their love and passion for Jesus but they know all the celebrity or Instagram drama then keep it moving! Not only should they be able to speak about their love for Christ but their actions should show that they LIVE it. I can count on ONE hand with ONE finger how many guys I ran into that could just sit and talk about prayer, worshiping, and Christ…and that person is not even my ex.

All in all, know what mistakes you made with your last relationship, learn from them, grow from them, leave it behind you, and MOVE ON! Help God help you. He closed that door for a reason. God is preparing you for your Boaz or Ruth and you are going to love every second of it! God loves you like crazy and he does not like to see his children hurt over someone who was seasonal.

<3bri

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